Buddy Bench

READINGS
 
Psalm 27
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
 When evildoers assail me to devour my flesh— my adversaries and foes— they shall stumble and fall.
Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise up against me, yet I will be confident.
 One thing I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in his temple.
 For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will set me high on a rock.
 Now my head is lifted up above my enemies all around me, and I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and make melody to the Lord.
 Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud, be gracious to me and answer me!
 “Come,” my heart says, “seek his face!” Your face, Lord, do I seek.
 Do not hide your face from me. Do not turn your servant away in anger, you who have been my help. Do not cast me off, do not forsake me, O God of my salvation!
 If my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take me up.
 Teach me your way, O Lord, and lead me on a level path because of my enemies.
 Do not give me up to the will of my adversaries, for false witnesses have risen against me, and they are breathing out violence.
I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

1 John 4: 16b-21
So we have known and believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and those who abide in love abide in God, and God abides in them.
 
Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness on the day of judgment, because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love. We love because he first loved us. Those who say, “I love God,” and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen. The commandment we have from him is this: those who love God must love their brothers and sisters also.

​Sermon: "Buddy Bench" by Rev. Robin Bartlett
Preached September 18, 2016 at
The First Church in Sterling, MA
Sermons are meant to be heard, not read. Listen to the sermon here.

These readings we heard today are all about Love and fear. Be strong, let your heart take courage, wait for the Lord, there is no fear in love, whoever fears has not reached perfection in love. And that’s easy, right? We are all fearless, after all.
 
I went to a conference this week for innovative Christian leaders. I got to go to New Hampshire and eat delicious Greek food and there was bacon for every meal. I also got to listen to this brilliant church-planting pastor from Houston named Marlon Hall talk about the potential for innovation in the Christian Church. He was very inspiring. He told us that the institutional church is too fearful, and too focused on its own comfort. He said that our fears and our need for comfort leave no room for the living God. He said that this is the time in the Church’s history when it’s safer to be risky and risky to be safe. He encouraged us to remember that our lack of courage is killing the church because our fear—of losing people, of losing money, of losing the way things always were—this fear keeps us small, keeps our reach small, keeps our communities insular, insider-ly, boring and purposeless.
 
He told us that as Christian leaders, our job is to incite a riot of the heart. He said this:
“love is a barbaric response to the fear that domesticates the divine.” And that fired me right up. To me that sentence says we are meant to love with a lack of restraint, and a wild lack of fear if we are to unleash God in the world. I was all READY to dream big and love wildly when I came home. I came home ready. To be BOLD instead of scared. To see the goodness of the Lord in the Land of the LIVING, as our psalmist says! EVERY DAY! I was like a cast member of Dead Poets Society standing on my desk at the end. Carpe diem. Or whatever.
 
And then I came home. And just a few hours later, at 7:00 pm that evening, on Thursday night, I went to Parent Night at the Houghton School in Sterling.
 
Now, I love the Houghton School. It is fabulous. My kids have thrived there, and the teachers, parents and leadership are incredible. I love them.
 
And so I don’t know what it is about Parent Night at the Elementary School that brings out all of my fears and sends my boldness into retirement. I don’t know what it is about Parent night at the elementary school that manages to tame my capacity for divinity. I don’t know what it is about an Elementary School gym full of parents just like me that causes my heart to constrict.
 
I don’t know if it is because I turn into an 8-year-old again, watching the principal and wondering if I’ll get in trouble for chewing gum. I don’t know if it is because I turn into a 15 year old again, experiencing crippling social anxiety in the presence of 200 other parents who are my age. All I can tell you is that all of my school aged and high school aged terror creeps up and chokes me.
 
I fear what people are thinking of me. I fear that I won’t know anyone. Worse, I fear seeing people I know. I fear seeing people who haven’t been to church for a while because they will look at me apologetically, and I don’t want to be seen as the judge-y church attendance taker…I’m just a parent like everyone else, trying to figure out why the 1st grade math homework is incomprehensible for 40 year olds.
 
So the internal monologue in my head sounds something like this: “There are so many people. I have no one to sit with. They all know each other. Do these people hate me? They think I’m a loser. Oh, man, here comes the PTO. They are not going to even bother asking me to volunteer this year because I’m such a deadbeat parent. They probably internally roll their eyes whenever they see me. Everyone knows each other. They don’t invite me to parties. Maybe it’s because I am wearing these ridiculous clothes. Maybe they think I’m a freak because I’m a Christian pastor. Maybe I am a freak because I’m a Christian pastor. I wish Andy came with me. Why didn’t I get a babysitter? I’m 40 years old! Why am I so scared. God Robin, get your stuff together. Look down at your phone, and maybe no one will notice you. Or if they do, at least you’ll look like you’re busy with more important things to do.”
 
The psalmist writes: The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Clearly, he never encountered the crippling anxiety and guilt brought on by the failure to participate in the mums sale that the PTO sponsors.
 
I wonder who else retreats into their smartphone or their knitting or their book or puts on some other armor so Teflon and so opaque, we can’t even feel or see past it.
 
Fear keeps us so small. Fear constricts love. It leaves no room for God.
 
When my love seems small and ineffective and my fear looms large, it helps to remind myself just to look up and notice the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living, as our psalmist writes.
 
Have you all heard of a buddy bench? This was a simple idea someone had to eliminate loneliness and foster friendship on the playground at recess. A school builds a bench, and labels it the “buddy bench.” If a kid is feeling lonely and has no one to play with, she can sit on the buddy bench. If another kid sees her there, he comes over and sits down next to her, and keeps her company, maybe even asks her to play. The Houghton School installed one on the playground two years ago and unveiled it during their peace pole celebration. I cried when they did.
 
I wish they had brought the buddy bench in to the gymnasium on parent night, but they left it outside trusting the adults didn’t need it.
 
Sometimes, when I pray, I pray for the kids on the buddy bench. I think about the brave kids that go to sit there…the vulnerability it takes to be that brave. And I pray for the kind kids who go and sit with them, leaving their other friends behind to care for someone who needs them.
 
I pray we can be like those kids that sit on the buddy bench, every day. All of those kids. They are brave and kind in a way that I am too scared to be myself in an elementary school gym as an adult.
 
Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness on the day of judgment, because as he is, so are we in this world.
 
I think the buddy bench--that’s what it looks like to create heaven on earth. We are going to have to be brave and vulnerable like those kids if we want Love to be perfected among us. We are going to have to look up from our phones even though we are scared, and offer a warm smile and room on the bench. Because fear is blocking our view of God. The stinginess we have with our love for others directly relates to our fear of getting hurt, or being seen, or risking vulnerability. And only love is the antidote.
 
As our letter from the apostle Paul to 1st John said: There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love.
 
Beloved, I believe I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. That’s why I do this work. Though some preachers will tell you otherwise, the purpose of church is not so we can get to heaven some day and see each other there. Religion is for this life—it is to have companions on the journey so that we might help each other notice signs and foretastes of the reign of God. And the reign of God looks like Love in action. It looks like those vulnerable kids sitting on a buddy bench trusting someone else with their tender heart. It looks like these vulnerable souls sitting here in these pews, trusting each other with our tender hearts. Our buddy benches are particularly uncomfortable here (sorry), but we can see here the goodness of the Lord in the Land of the Living.
 
God reminds us, over and over again in our scriptures, “do not be afraid.” It’s one of two most oft-repeated phrases in our texts for a reason. As the psalmist said, we must not fear for God is with us, watching over us, the stronghold of our lives, our light and our salvation. We need to be that light and that salvation for others.
 
This is a poem by my colleague Bob Janis Dillon called On the Corner of New and Union.
 
On the corner of New and Union,
The crossing guard asks me where I'm headed. 
 
Now, I'm thirty-eight years old.
I've been across the street and back again, 
If you know what I mean.
I mumble my thanks, and wave a hand – hoping to transmit, 
In one gesture, both an acknowledgement and a release from duty.
I'm OK, I tell her. Just fine.
 
No such luck. 
She strides into the intersection, 
Holding aloft her red badge of courage,
Making of her ordinary frame
A colossus of roads.
She halts the world: in this case,
One, maybe two cars sitting in park,
Their occupants mute witnesses to the spectacle 
Of a six-foot-four man being helped across the road.
I'm determined to make the best of it.
As a father, and as an ardent promoter of the public welfare,
I have, I remember, a deep and pronounced respect 
For crossing guards
And things of that nature.
I try and give words to my appreciation, 
But the crossing guard is out in front of me again:
 
“They told me to cross the children. Well, 
I figure, everybody's somebody's child.”
 
Sometimes people ask, if God exists,
Where She is, and why 
It takes Him so long to pick up the phone.
People ask just how God manages, on top of everything else,
To really, truly, love everyone. Everyone. Even those people.
These are real questions,
Although the answers may be a little bit hard to grasp
In these little hands of ours.
 
I will say this.
On the corner of New and Union,
There's a crossing guard
Who's looking out for you.
 
Beloved, remember that everyone is someone’s child, including you. God is with you, looking out for you, in the form of lifeboats and crossing guards. So do not be afraid. Look for the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Look out for others, and try as hard as you can to love them. Be brave enough to show your vulnerability—admit you are lonely. Sit with the people who need a friend. Be brave and be kind. Unleash the divine by banishing the fears that leave no room for God.
 
So we have known and believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and those who abide in love abide in God, and God abides in them.
 
Amen